OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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