Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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