Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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