What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
