When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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