Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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