You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
