Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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