he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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