You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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