this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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