Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
