Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
