I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
