he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
