see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
