I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
