SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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