i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
