Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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