I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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