The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
