you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
soo... how was my night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
