drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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