this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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