I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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