BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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