This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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