I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
So. Much. Porn.
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