i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
