Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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