I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
