why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When did we convert life to cartoon?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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