we have officially lost it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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