there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
