I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
