I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
