Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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