So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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