Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
