i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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