We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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