on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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