Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
