Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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