I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
