You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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