Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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