He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
