the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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