Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Barsexuality is the new black.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
