Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
