Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
