did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
