Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
