Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wear drunk well.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
