**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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