it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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