He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
