Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
