fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
