HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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