There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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