do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
