I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
