Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There are leaves in my underwear?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
