remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
