Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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