Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
