Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
